Im the one that feels super ugly and fat!!!?

now im the one that should feel sorry for myself. for letting myself get this big. when i go shopping i could find me some really cute clothes and it doesnt look like im that big, but i stand there and look at myself in the mirror and i start bawling my eyes out! begging the lord to just make me skinnier... like about 140... or 130 thats all i ask. It is so hard losing weight and so easy to gain it. i do p.e. because its mandatory and everyones saying i look skinnier but ive actually gained 4 lbs. and when i looked big i was skinnier than i actually am now! im only 13 yrs old, weigh 193 lbs, and 5'7! i have something to complain about and im SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF!!! i try so hard to do my best at p.e. and my teacher says im doing a great job, but being this big scares me. and im right on the brink of diabetes!!! someone plz give me advice, tips, try to make me feel better, plz something!! thnx