How do I find answers in my own life?

I have had a difficult childhood and I feel like I'm holding a lot back from myself, I have very few friends and I want to talk to my closest friends and ask for advice but when I have tried, I don't even know what to say. I was bullied when I was younger and I think it has had a profound effect on my childhood, but now that I am an adult, I want to live a "normal" life and I cannot. I cannot look myself in the mirror and I cannot accept that anyone thinks I look alright. I can talk about what has happened in my life but I cannot talk about how I feel now and it's like a heavy weight I want to rid myself of. Where do I start?